Friday, November 7, 2008
A Hard Day Today
Today has been hard. I feel really bad, weak. I think my kidneys are acting up again. My legs are swollen and my hands. I just got to stop my Arenesp injections a month ago and I feel like my H&H is low again. This is how I felt when they found out that my kidney problems is causing me not to produce enough red blood cells. It is these days when I think, you crazy woman, there is no way you can carry a baby to term. But then I do have my good days and I think hey maybe I can do this. All and all though, anymore, I am having more bad days than good. We are looking into becoming foster parents, that process is in the works, who knows maybe we will end up finding the baby god meant for us to have that way. I have mixed emotions about the pregnancy, my husband does not want me to do it at all, unless the docs give the ok. I agree with him, if the doctors doesn't say they think I can do it, I won't, I wouldn't want to risk losing another baby. I lost my first baby at 5 months gestation when I was alot younger, and had not been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis yet. I don't want to go thru that again. I still live everyday with the hole that is left in my heart from losing her. Her name was Annastasia Danielle. She died shortly after birth, she was just too premature, even by today's standards. She would be 19 years old this year. I think of her often, but it isn't as bad as it used to be, now it is holidays and her B-day. Maybe someday I will see her again. I made a call to the doc an hour ago, I have to go in Wednesday for bloodwork and probably restart my injections. I must say, I feel so much better when I am doing the shots. They are safe for pregnancy too, I have already done the research. Hope everyone is having a great day. I guess the real update will be November 26th, when I see the high risk doc, I also see my CF doc Dec. 17th. I will definately update then.